I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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