it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize