a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize