gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
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And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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