My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize