he thought i was a dude.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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