You can't special order awesome
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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