he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize