I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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