oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
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If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
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The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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