I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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