just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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