apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
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The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
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I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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