whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize