you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize