When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
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Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
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I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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