you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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