you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize