we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The Olympian is in my bed
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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