they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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