The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
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