Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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