Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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