yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
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I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
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He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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