Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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