is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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