One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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