census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
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Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
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I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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