I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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