One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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