he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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