I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
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found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
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Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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