You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize