I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The beer is more important than you right now.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
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His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
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You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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