it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize