I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Four minutes until I can fart!
my shit smells like andre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
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