Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
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I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
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This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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