So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
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went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
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no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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