Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
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No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
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We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He? As in you personified your dick?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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