I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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