I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
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