Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
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There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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