That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
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It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize