if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
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In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
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But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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