5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
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hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
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Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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