If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
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