she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize