my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize