At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
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My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
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Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Two words: blizzard sex
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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