Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize